every beat of my heart

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 16:02:00 +0000

serenity

in no particular order;

I miss ♥

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 08:14:00 +0000

impenetrable

right now who can tell between lies, phases and cover-ups. right now it is an impenetrable veil of secrets.

right now I'm looking through mirrors, glass, reflections. right now you're slowly slipping away.

the only truth is the look in your eyes, and the steady rate of your heartbeat.

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:20:00 +0000

arms wide open

once in a while, I need reminders.

I forgot how it was like to feel the passion, attachment, dependency.

standing amidst people there to back me up no matter what the situation, even when the whole world seems to be falling down.

there are so many questions unanswered, so many doubts relieved.

but in the end, there remains a lasting satisfaction inside.

a warm assurance that it is worthied after all, despite the hardships endured.

maybe life isn't about holding on to the past memories, relieving it from time to time.

but to live for the moment, be openly aware towards what's faced next.

bookmark the past to be turned back to smile at, but not to re-live.

I need reminders of true happiness and purpose.

I need to realize that the answers to my never-ending questions will come in time.

I need to remember how to just live for the moment.

all in all, YR 3rd training camp was an eye-opening reminder of life.

for the awesome 09 team, the CT whom we've endured too much together, and facilitators with their daily reminders.

thanks to everyone who made it so <3

am waiting for pics!

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:58:00 +0000

golden friendships

Its like peering through a window, watching past flashbacks dance through your head.

Memories which once made you feel so alive and connected.

So I'll watch the world revolving around you, me, him, her, etc.

And learn through experiences how to deal with the future's outcome.

I hate how time alone can push it all away.

I hate having to face the truth that occasionally, it never come back.

I hate the impermanence and hopelessness of it.

I hate how it comes to a point when the only thing to do is accept it through numbness, because of how life is.

I am not always UN-immune to adapting to changes.

There are times I do not want to be strong throughout every minute of the day.

Having gone through my own losses and disappointments, having watched loved ones leave through time.

Sometimes I wish someone could lie straight to my face, tell me it's going to be okay.

And will myself to believe that, maybe it really WILL be okay, in time.

There are too many moments I miss right now.

Too many bittersweet memories, beautiful in its brokenness.

I need a break away from everything again.

Not because I'm mad at the world, or frustrated at every single thing.

This time its only because I miss you too much.

Not specifying the 'you' being a certain person.

I need time away to accept how people always leave.

Loved ones, friends who mean so much, people who leave an impact in life.

One thing I wish, I wish missing you leaving wouldn't hurt so much.

away for camp
this weekend

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 14:36:00 +0000

dirty mess imperfect at it’s best

these few days have been mad hectic, with evie coming home around midnight every night.

intense practices and planning for Youth Rally has made evie a grouchy person lacking sleep.

the irony is how exam period was actually LESS STRESSFUL than this current period.

there's hardly been time for myself and close ones :(

plus my MSN version is uninstallable for God knows what reason, and everytime I get home it'd be straight to bed.

social life is officially on a hiatus until Christmas.

************************************************

hypocrite.

its funny why we try so hard to cover up our brokenness when each and every one of us are so mangled up inside.

************************************************

I've been listening to my own advise given lately.

rank: between rational, logical, and sensible.

but in every situation, its always easier said than done.

having gone through the same stubborness and the exact same helplessness, the way the hated phrase 'Life's like that.' is hardest to digest;

I've come to believe how words are unneccessary, it goes back to experience and time alone.

************************************************

a few years back I read the zodiac book in yee por's place, the heavily illustrated one with black and white pictures.

one word came up for people born in the year of the horse:

FICKLE

and I thought zodiacs and horoscopes were complete bullshit!

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 05:40:00 +0000

chemical coma life

reading the Psychology text for exams brought me down memory lane.

referring to the past blog entry for all time at http://evangeliste.blogspot.com/2008_10_01_archive.html.

back in CIMP, we had to complete 10 hours of community service to graduate.

almost a year back, yie-ern, nicholas, andrew and I had decided to go to the Rumah Impian near my place.

recalling the little boy who was repeatedly writing the letter 'n' onto his notebook, with me wondering why he was so fascinated with that consonent.

a few days back, came across his symptoms in the Psychology text book:

'Sameness and routine are important for autistic children, who become very upset at minute changes. Slight change may evoke a tantrum.'

(Passer, Smith, 2008)

which explains why, when I tried to be smart by writing a 'u' on his notebook, he went off on a 'calling people babi' spree.

the more I read the pages on psychological disorders, the more recognizable they were.

the boy with his hands stretched out the whole time (catatonic schizophrena), the angry Hitler boy who whacked Andrew on the head (ADHD), Mei Mei (down syndrome).

what more these situations were real, happening, and 5 minutes away from my house.

one of my girl friends had visited the place before out trip there, which she expressed her shock and dismay at the conditions. she had even left immediately because she could not take it.

truth be told, it was not the most ideal home for anyone.

with the lack of people to take care of almost 50 of them, some were tied to poles to 'prevent them from hurting other people'.

(which I later found out when a particular innocent-looking boy pushed me onto Andrew)

some of them just sat there with their minds on nothing, as if there was no hope, no spark in them.

others, when we tried talking to them, looked at us with this complete blank look. God knows if they even knew we existed.

after the visit, we went to the top management to get out forms signed as proof for 3 hours completed at the orphanage.

The man in charge asked: were we coming back?

he said: "People don't usually come to places like this. Even if they do, they don't stay for long. These kids just need attention and time spent with them."

it is a complete different story for orphanages with normal kids, who similarly lack resources; but do not get the same recoil effect from people as do special kids.

is it easier to love a beautiful and normal person, as compared to someone special/ugly/abnormal?

maybe its easier said than done by trying not to label or judge people.

between a fat, cheerful baby reaching out for hugs and a small, sulking one engrossed in its own works, it is not the hardest choice for preference.

speaking as a 19-year-old student with no job, a high sense of dependancy on others, and a horrible sense of directions;

is it any wonder that I feel completely, hopelessly, bleakly helpless.

back then it was a question between business and psychology, as to which one I could picture myself doing in the future.

this entry is the turning point, a final decision (unlike food decisions, am still hopeless at deciding where to eat).

truth be told, I do not know if this is a momentary, temporary phase.

but right now, evie's SERIOUS current ambition is to be a psychologist.

maybe, just maybe, there's future contributions that are yet to come :)

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 16:31:00 +0000

Tonight Imma fight till we see the sunlight

from young, I have always been the spoilt one of the family.

if things didn't go my way, I'd go on a MAJOR merajuking spree.

not the sort of merajuking which I SAY I'd do now;
.

but a real sitting-at-a-corner, snapping at people and crying sort of spree.
.

always, the unfortunate soul who got to see that was my brother.

back then the one who got scratched, poked, smacked, bitten (yes bitten) first-hand was the brother.

during a major exam study period, guess who had to listen to evie's recitation and test her questions from the text book?

with mum or dad mad at me, during a break-up, after an embarassing event; guess who had to endure my rants?

truth be told, I probably have been (and WILL BE) a pain in the neck for punk brother.

the endless stupid names we call each other, stupid stories to share, and stupid things done.

but as it is, certain things I might take for granted will be cherished.

there's always comfort in the pillow his back provides, when he's lying with his stomach on the bed and facing his laptop, with me lying face up on his back and telling him about my day.
.
especially these few days with the exams approaching, and with me feeling the stress.
.
right after 3 hours of studying, with him typing away and giving an occasional grunt of acknowledgement.
.
rant, rage, complain as I liked, somehow or other he'd always listen.
.
(even from a sensitive female with problems he's probably never faced)
.
small things like this serve to make my day after much drama and exhaustion.
.
in future, I'll look back and remember how this feels like home.
.
.

truth be told he is as much
of a pain to me as I am to him,

but life would be so quiet

& different without him.

love you!

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 11:07:00 +0000

So you stole my world

♥
(Lifehouse, Oasis, My Chemical Romance, The Fray)

The broken clock is a comfort

It helps me sleep tonight

Maybe it can start tomorrow

From stealing all my time

I am still here waiting

though I still have my doubts

All the roads we have to

walk are winding

And all the lights that lead

us there are blinding

There are many words that

I would like to say to you

but I don't know how

So shut your eyes, and sleep, just sleep

The hardest part is letting go of dreams

And I would have stayed up

with you all night

Somewhere along in the bitterness

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 11:17:00 +0000

subtle blessings

so they're saying the past blogposts have been too emo and philosophical.

I blog to express, and most of these seem innapropriate to say in real life.

anyhow, some happy pictures to brighten up the blog :) :)

this year's birthday celebration was subdued due to exams in 2 weeks.

Frames with family and godparents :)

due to Kevin's awesome recommendation
.

Cafe Chulo with highschool mates
.

NOT candid!

seriously, the place has bad service

=/
.

like like like

this pic ;)

thanks for coming!

SURPRISE OF THE NIGHT

specially from the guys:
.

FLAMING LAMBOURGINI
with pretty blue flames

(not exactly the nicest drink ever)
.

IRONY OF THE NIGHT:
guys ended up looking drunk-ER

(and red-DER) then birthday girl

(in the pic)
.

-___-
.

Swensens

hot fudge sundae ♥

Kenny Rogers with

uni mates

Cow wore purple butterflies

JUST FOR EVIE'S SAKE

:) :) :)

secret recipe with yie-ern

thanks for the awesome celebrations ♥

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 09:50:00 +0000

tip of my tongue

saying the right words at the crucial moment takes a lot of guts.

there have been a few intense moments in my life where the words are at the edge of rolling out.

words like:

sorry, thank you, I love you.

occasionally it has proven too difficult to say;

so I end up saying nothing at all.

my first impression on the main of the Kite Runner, Amir, was that he was a sissy boy.

when faced with hardship about his friend, the first thing he did was RUN.

the words he could (and SHOULD) have said to make it all better, instead he chose to hide from the truth.

Khaled Hosseini's method of capturing his actions done had me seething in fury.

but the basis of truth was captured in his book.

in the moment, caught in that second of instant decision, I would hesitate on doing what would and should be the right thing.

the right thing (or the right words) can be downright scary.

I would rather be the one not stirring up the controversy, sitting on the fence swinging my legs.

my safety zone, with the transparent bubble sustained around me to prevent drama and heartaches.

a voiceless citizen subject to every law and rule of the country, abiding to it for the sake of peace and harmony.

there is no conclusion for this post, except that maybe I should stand up more for myself, and not just accept things as they are.

but as always, its easier said than done.

this concludes a ranting post.

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 18:39:00 +0000

serenade

money don't grow on trees.

friendships don't stay on promises.

relationships don't last on feelings.

life don't stop on heartbreaks.

grow up, evie,

grow up

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 06:50:00 +0000

little blue dress

inspiration hits at its most unexpected moment

one day you're nicely sitting down minding your own business when BAM! it hits you hard on the face...

*************************************************

JYM launching was so awesomely awesome it blew me out of my socks! :) :)

*************************************************

teaching with Steven is always spontaneous, funny, and completely random.

when Marcia (main teacher) doesn't come, madness reigns.

today's teaching was a scenario written on the board:

FOR BOYS:

An attractive lady is coming heavily on to you. She is 29 and sexually active. You (student boy) are 15 years old. SHOULD YOU SUCCUMB TO THE SEDUCTION?

FOR GIRLS:

You have a crush on your 29-year-old handsome male teacher. Everytime you are around him, 'strange feelings' overcome you. One day he invites you to his house for private tutor sessions. You (student girl) are 15 years old. SHOULD YOU GO?

the reactions from the students, along with the questions each gender could pose to the opposite gender, were hilarious.

the guys especially were very visual with their questions.

I forgot how corrupted 15-year-olds can actually be :)

*************************************************

Does it have to take me to get under a bus, or hit by a train (literally) until you'll listen?

*************************************************

throughout the holiday, I -

- fell in love with poodles
not those shaved, ribboned ones which look like prude princesses; but the natural ones which are fluffy and cute, NOT BALD IN CERTAIN AREAS and not stuck-up looking

- slept in until afternoon
need to get rid of these eyebags pleaaaasseeee

- finished assignments
and actually did a bit of studying. exams in < 1 month =(

- caught up with friends
despite being carless for half a week, managed to see some old friends. missing you guys :)

- went to sunway lagoon
cheap tix and too many 'complications' beforehand. despite it all, it was worth the fun ;D

- got back on track
AND CUT SOME SLACK! been slacking like crazy this semester...

*************************************************

last day of the holiday today :(

back to nerding and early mornings again...

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 05:08:00 +0000

hero

my version of the story written by Lewis Caroll:

EVIE IN WONDERLAND
.

having a fever tends to:

(a) alert one's senses to super sensitivity

(b) make the mind wander to negativity

(c) cause insomnia
.

that night itself was a hot night; and every pin-drop could be heard.

at the same time being dragged out were questions, blame, frustrations.

imagine the feeling of trying to close out the surrounding noise (every bit seemingly amplified), also trying to shut out the super morbid thoughts in the mind.

being on the verge of sleep is like slipping in between one realm to another;

the subconscious mind drags one side to dreams, while the other side holds onto every other surrounding: temperature, sound, noise, etc.

I remember vividly dreaming of tunnels and passageways, the next moment staring at the ceiling in cold sweat.

1am, having this internal battle of: PASSAGES? FOREHEAD? WHAT? and trying desperately to shut out the noise from all around.

in that moment of grogginess, it was nothing I could do but rage.

then really, you know those movies, when a voice magically appears out of nowhere with this beam of light? (LOTR, etc)

a voice said gently: "you're burning up."

sweat wiped away. forehead touch.

and everytime, the calm words kept coming like an antidote.

right at that moment, the invading thoughts (like worms) took flight. or more accurately, took crawl.

out out out of the mind, because Dad was there.
.

(in movies, angelic or heroic music should be played now)

cliche as it sounds, the relieved feeling of everything is gonna be okay emerged.

1am with Dad flying his civic to the doctor, and me sleeping in the car with no nightmares on tunnels or crazy thoughts.

ok, so this story wasn't exactly similar to alice in wonderland; aside from the whole mind games, dreams, etc.

but all in all Dad is my personal super hero.

not only because of this encounter with the wormish fever.

but small things like these tend to serve as a reminder of my blessings :)

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 12:06:00 +0000

ice box

eyebags eyebags eyebags.

this coming holiday is going to be a much needed sleep week :)

*******************************

lately Ive been wondering what exactly God has in mind for me.

sure He's the BIG guy who's ever knowing, and has the best intentions for all of us;

but sometimes I wish He'd drop this manual from the sky entitled: 'evie's life'.

then maybe I'd be able to be more accepting of the things I cant change, and STOP THINKING SO MUCH.

*******************************

06 reunion <3

waiting for pics from kevin's sexy DSLR.

*******************************

if Ive never said it before, it was only because it was too much for you to take in.

as it is there's nothing left to be said now.

*******************************

when I was younger, Dad promised to get me a horse.

I can even remember the EXACT conversation.

8 year old evie
Dad

"Dad, if we move to Penang, can I have a horse? we could build stables next to the new house right?"

(back then we ALMOST considered moving to penang)

"sure, sure."

(continues with work)

and till this day evie never got her horse.

:( :( :(

ok maybe a horse was too unrealistic.

but now, at 19, I have a reaaaaal sudden, random desire to get a dog.

the small, cute furry ones with cute waggy tails ~~and slobbers all over you~~

haven't really mentioned the idea to the parents yet though, after the hamster incident...

*******************************

resolution:

STOP PROCRASTINATING

Drive until you lose the road

Or break with the ones you've followed

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 04:35:00 +0000

I wanna I wanna I wanna touch youuuuu

thanks to kimmy baby,

that darned song is stuck in my head

-_____________-

************************

shoutout to:

isabelle, suet teng, derk wen, derk hua,

huei ling, ee ling and yohanan

despite the irony of the date,

have a great birthday :) :)

********************************

random pics that made my week:

of boring lectures, guy scouting, sucky Monash food etc

tze mien's item missing cos she sesat behind :(

before lyn returned to russia

waiting for the wedding invite to

VLADIMIR RASPUTIN TSAICHOVSKY

(or somewhere along those names)

chocolate brownie! ♥

relieving childhood

where someone got rejected ROFL LMAO ;D

note*

never watch the ugly truth with the species

who DEMONSTRATE the ugly truth xD

mamak reminiscence

the reason for sanjieev's abrupt end of speech:

a random kitten falling in love

thanks for making my week!

:) :)

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 03:59:00 +0000

ode of appreciation

"the safest place to stay is on the fence,

where no commotion can be caused."

.
Ive never been able to express myself in terms of self dilemnas.

when faced with problems, I tend to keep it all in for fear of burdening others.

my perception is that everyone has their own respective problems.

what more would I want to add on to theirs?

recently, God's blessing has been through the gift of friendship.

thank you to those who have reached out through this time of struggle.

thank you for reviving a hope which I was on the verge of giving up.

for the unintentional/purposeful words and gestures.

for listening to the insignificant rants of yet another sensitive female.

no matter how over-rated these words are, I love you guys.

thanks for being a strong support throughout <3

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 17:26:00 +0000

out from under

the gradual drifting, spacing out and loss of focus is noted.

this blog itself can reflect the emo-ness.

someone said about my blog the other day: "DID SOMEONE DIE?!!"

-___________-

I could blame it on obligations, secrets, confusion.

(additional burden: ASSIGNMENTS)

or how it seems ive lost the passion for the simplest things in life.

truthfully,

(a) Im tired

AND

(b) worried for those closest to heart

AND

am attempting to cut down on the emo-ness and search for my (: happy :) blogging mojo again.

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 09:27:00 +0000

with him

RYM camp

29th-31 August

Port Dickson La Salle

the weekend was spent away from everything back home to support the dear brother at camp.

punk :)

(nobody at camp believed we were siblings)

it was a good reflection time away from every burden, responsibility, and stress factors (assignments!) back home.

letting the pictures do the talking...

accomodation - La Salle, Port Dickson

mine, norah's, veronica's

father danny

(snoop dogg)

= coolest priest ever

one twin and Uncle Francis (coordinator)

evie's newest cool idol :)

like father like son

official evie stalker with the camera!
.

second night:

karaoke session and Christian clubbing until 2am

Uncle Francis as the DJ and light effects yo :)

my team's (team D) sesat poster on the right

everyone's poster had spiritual meaning to it except ours.

group leader Matthew, on the spot:

"This is what we require, a spiritual doughnut from God!"
.

the church made from straws,

firm foundation and basis

games
.

group D

Grandpa John giving the lame riddles to answer

"What's long and purple and can be seen from space?"

-________-

the mole game

resulting in us almost beating up the coordinators xD
.

water, flour, & shaving cream...
.

JYM reminiscence!

missed youuuu
.

the last day,

at the beach

artistic ;)

"GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUUNNNNN..."

hard to miss out on him in photos xD

guys have their retarded moments,

even in church camps xD

one tree hill :)

the long line for the bathroom queue after that

on the way home :(

thanks for the awesome memories!

<33

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 09:50:00 +0000

spider web

imagine flying headfirst into a vacated web, getting entangled in its sticky thread;

a web made of a substance too complicating to understand.

every attempt to break free thrusts you deeper into its mess.

so you're struggling towards the route of escape;

fighting through every strand of silken thread coaxing you to succumb, fall back.

just when you reach the edge of escape near the exterior,

you brush the invisible thread of its stickiest substance;

you're back to where you started, with every instinct to break free temporarily numbed.

walking away, you realize, means the risk of facing a harsher reality out there;

you're leaving behind what used to be a safety zone.

being stagnant, you ponder, means staying entangled in a web of false hope;

you're stopping each possibility of further growth.

times like these, when the mind does not coincide with the heart,

that stay at the crossroads for a very long time.

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 12:28:00 +0000

double-edged sword

a friend once told me:

"a buffoon attacks with his fists, a scholar with his tongue."

not literally tongue like how a smoker does in Left4Dead, but with the language of a powerful vocabulary.

words, only words, should be of no consequence.

the impact leaves no physical wounds, scars or tears.

but words are sharper than a double edged sword;

an intense, thrusting cut can leave more than just an emotional scar;

the consequences include permanent heart damage (PHD), low self esteem, hatred, etc.

personally, I put on a transparent bubble wrapper for words to slide off as easily as it is spoken.

but some words can penetrate the wrapper, aim straight for the heart and STAB, STAB, STAB.

even if the after effects include: "It was only a joke, doofus!" or "I'm sorry."

the damage has been done.

what's been said can't be taken back.

physical wounds have antiseptic and plasters to cure.

is there a known remedy for heartaches please?

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 10:20:00 +0000

platform endeavor

looking back, throughout the 18 years (and 10 months) of my life, I have yet to encounter stage fright (peeing in the pants/stuttering/crying, etc).

in Sungai Way, I was dragged into public speaking competitions, story-telling competitions, choral-speaking etc.

the memorable time in standard 4 when I recited Rapunzel for the competition (evie's inability to roll 'RRRR') and had the judges and students laughing away.

highschool, dragged by huei ling to audition for the drama team.

I was thinking: 'get it over with, stop her pestering me, continue with my life.'

one week later they came knocking at 4 Dahlia: "You passed the auditions!"

my first role was the angry, taunting wife of Bradley (the main involved in an accident).

which later was 'promoted' to daughter because, as he nicely put it, 'we couldnt find anyone else of suitable height to play the child'.

I would stand onstage with pigtails, blue dress, pulled up socks and buckled shoes.

spend hours before the act thinking of the saddest memories (or when all fails, peel onions), so I could run crying towards the hospital bed with a teddy bear (Mr Chubbles).

also the time emceeing with Alan during Youth Rally 06, with an English rose accent and snorting at one scene.

and the last few days before SPM, having to act out movies for Charades (miming Gollum, Frodo, etc)

somehow or other no matter how ridiculous it was, acting was always a welcoming escape for me.
.

a momentary escape from my life, problems, etc; to get into a character where her solution lay at the ending of the story.

everytime I walked onstage thinking, nobody in this crowd really knows me.

everyone accepted stage characters to look and be bizzare/crazy/mad as a source of entertainment for the moment.

as a stage character, one was able to stir up a certain emotion; stimulate thought-provoking issues, make and break perceptions etc.

life is a platform after all (life's brief candle).

but instead of jit yang yelling: 'CUT!' from the floor, lisa passing me the script for my lines; there is only the ability to live with what's been done.

after long periods of stress, bickering, differences; nothing beats the finale of stage act;

standing hand in hand with people having your back, to the sound of applause and standing ovations.

nor sitting sweaty-palmed with the same people, awaiting the results from a long-winded, blabbering announcer.

for me, personally, acting is a passion.

enter make believe for the time period, escape reality.

the euphoria of it beats alcohol anytime.

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 03:40:00 +0000

gargoyle

living by this concept means manning the armor.

penetration, acronyms, verbs.

on rock hard ground trailing essence of grief.

we've built solid walls to fill each lighted passage;

watched hope slip through subtle cracks;

bystanders of waves washing sandcastles away.

remember how we'd cry through nights of Colorado?

how we'd chase the moonlight through each passing minute?

every smile lit stars throughout the horizon.

every word left silent imprints on the sand.

like a skeleton in a closet

did you bury the truth away?

distorted into a

chained, scarred gargoyle.

a touchstone of the past

not worth keeping or remembering.

look past the scarred outlines on its face,

break through its steel chains,

throw down the defences, barriers

touch its outward flesh through reality.

maybe we forgot it was once beautiful.

ignorant in its innocence.

sincere in its dreams.

never pushed for sacrifice,

nor materialistic pleasures.

never asked for perfection, eternity,

or superficial promises like that.

time itself proved remedy and killer;

to emerge with triumph,

trophies and battle wounds.
.
the victorious claims remain unhandled.

this is but a battle of meaningless glory.

not every ending has a happily ever after,

with knights in shining armors,

princesses nor cheering crowds.

sometimes it ends with a

stone gargoyle.

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 07:57:00 +0000

dirty little secret

havent been getting enough sleep from uni work, piano exam preparations, and church.

all work and no play makes evie a sad girl :(
.

so it was nice getting away from the tuesday stress (FULL ACCOUNTS DAY) to destress.

went to pyramid for tze mien's belated bday celebration at carl's junior

stupid place ran out of BEEF and BACON.
.

we ended up having a round of confessions and listening to some very interesting stories.

because ms may ling couldnt wake up, she missed out on all the stories.

TOO BAD xD

(u know u still love us)

despite the workload, uni life is getting to be fun after all :)

happy belated tze mien! <3

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 13:56:00 +0000

mr brightside

am now sitting in my room with the door locked ("Indonesian workers!"- mum), buried in marketing, hearing the droning sound of drilling outside.

this is another brilliant, eccentric idea from my dad.

3 days ago, I walked to the living room and dad was standing at the stairwell, looking up.

"You remember the movie Da Vinci code," he said. "the part when the light shines through the hole in the ceiling, the one with the sort of stained glass effect?"

"Thats called a skylight."

PAUSE

although I saw what was coming (happens too many times)

"I want a skylight for this house."

just like previously, he'd gotten out of bed and announced: "We need a HI-5 stereo set for the living room."

then another time he'd come straight back home from work and declared: "This house needs a fountain in the garden."

he'd walk out, dissapear for a few hours.

the next day I'd wake up to see the items dad had declared, sitting somewhere in the house.

just another of the eccentric, random dreams which my dad makes into reality.

once the workers have gone, its guaranteed we'll hear dad's call for us to bask in the streaming sunlight through the hole in the ceiling.

RM700 for a ~~damn hole in the ceiling~~ skylight.

comes the day when dad wakes up with the stunned realization that, after all this while, his daughter desperately needs a shopping trip in Paris.

Ill be waiting for that =)

noreply@blogger.com (evie) — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 02:39:00 +0000

me and my heart they’ve got issues

Ockam's razor (law of parsimony) -

favour the simplest assumptions and eliminate the rest of the maddest, almost-impossible, worst scenario possibilities.

if only it was thaaaaaat easy.

*********************

managed to catch up with a few old friends despite the piling homework for uni =)

the worst thing I've learnt throughout the years is that I tend to take friendships for granted until its too late to save them.

not that I ever forget, just living by the excuse of 'not having enough time to bother saying hi' and 'taking the effort slipped my mind'; plus how I hate going on9.

until the day comes when the friendship has weakened and almost faded away; until the friend actually comes straight up to me screaming: 'THIS FRIENDSHIP IS OVER because it is NON-EXISTANT!' (not literally)

by the time we try to save whats left of the friendship, the time span and differences have already taken its toll.

looking back, Ive lost a few best friends/friends due to many reasons.

the past confrontation of how non-chalant and emotionless I am has left me stunned.

the truth is that I dont realize how much of the friendship has been lost until someone says it straight to my face.

living in my happy little world of assuming that friendship is forever, without effort, no matter what the circumstance, the person would still always be my friend! =)

for that, I get a comment from a close friend: "how ignorant/stupid/naive can evie get?!"

it hurt a lot, coming from someone so close, owing to my part as a sensitive female, and also realizing the truth in the statement.

no, its not easy growing up to the harsh realities of life.

but Ive never forgotten how, once, there had been a bond for that moment.

and even if its been too late to save it I wont ever forget.

here's to the past friendships, bittersweet and colourful in its memories <3

Im almost afraid to find out